


sitting up there

by you_were_a_good_boy



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: AU, Distrust, Hatred, M/M, angsty, frank is miserable, gerard is kinda crazy but not really, how to do tags, i dont know what to tag so read and see i guess, poor frankie help him, spiteful frank
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22296457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/you_were_a_good_boy/pseuds/you_were_a_good_boy
Summary: "People," he started, gesturing vividly until he seated himself across Gerard, "they shine so fucking bright, but inside.. they're dead.""Do you think that of all people?" Gerard asked barely above a whisper, like he was afraid to speak louder."M, yeah, pretty much."He looked at Frank with an emotion known all too well to the latter: sympathy. Oh, how Frank didn't want any goddamn sympathy."Even about yourself?""Oh, myself in the first place." Frank chuckled unamused, staring off into the dark night."Why?" Gerard asked, sounding very hurt like Frank had insulted him."Oh," Frank laughed with no humour. It had already started to look psychotic. "Because, Gerard, look at me. What am I?" Iero threw his hands in the air a little too dramatically, "What do you see?""I see a depressed maniac of his own beliefs who's afraid to let himself love instead of hate everything he sees."Frank eyed him carefully with a victorious smirk. He chuckled again, clapping once softly."See?" he said, smiling, "that's what I meant! You see my exterior that shines, but inside I am troubled and hateful. I am almost dead, and that's what everyone is."
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Comments: 11
Kudos: 23





	1. tell me how's it feel sittin up there

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know where i'm going with this, but i gotta put it out there  
> this one didn't really get recognition on wattpad, so i thought why not give it a go here
> 
> enjoy? and leave comments please i don't know what i'm doing :(((

"How does that feel?"

  
At night, the sky is brighter than ever. All the stars up there, you know they don't exist, right? The light we see is just.. an imagery of once vivid flash that just couldn't get to earth four years ago. Now it's here, you can see it until it passes the earth, but the star.. the star is dead.  
  
And so is he.  
  
"..powerless?" he answers the voice from behind his back.  
  
"Yeah," the mysterious person seems to be getting closer, until they set themselves down near Frank, legs freely hanging from the rooftop, "yeah, powerless. Hopeless."  
  
Frank looks up at the sky, tugging at his cigarette. The midnight shines through the grumpy clouds which promise a cold, cold rain.  
  
"Who are you?" Frank is straightforward. He doesn't really like beating around the bushes.  
  
"Not that fast, cowboy," the stranger giggles, "how often do you get up here?" he asks instead.  
  
Frank blows his smoke in circles just to calm the nerves down. He doesn't appreciate being left in the unknown. He turns his head slightly to find his enigmatic companion staring pointlessly into the distance.  
  
"I don't like it, you know" he says, almost poisonous but surprisingly calm, "when I'm left with no answers."  
  
The guy leaves no room for argument. The other one only sighs deeply, shaking his gaze to focus on Frank when he turns his head towards him.  
  
"I am a hopeless cause," he says, his voice barely above whisper, "the world don't need me."  
  
Frank smirks. He made a mistake, here.  
  
"The world doesn't, not don't. " he smiles victoriously, meeting the stranger's eyes.  
  
He can't see neither him nor his face in this darkness, but his greenish eyes blinking rapidly are very outstanding.  
  
"You a smartass?" the other one smiles back and throws away his red hair with a swift, almost feminine movement.  
  
"Little bit bookwormish." Frank narrows his eyes and gazes back into the streets twenty stories down.  
  
"Your turn."  
  
Frank exhales loudly.  
  
"I come here every day. My schedule's rather sparse, though." he says as if only to answer anything.  
  
"I come here every night." the red-haired man says, lighting up his cigarette that mystically appeared between his lips.  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
He thought for awhile, puffing out grey smoke.  
  
"Gerard." he says finally with a striking simplicity.  
  
Frank is caught off guard. He didn't expect to get the name quite that fast. He threw his burnt out blunt down the building.  
  
"Gerard," he tried the name rolling in his tongue, "nice to meet you, Gerard."  
  
Frank stopped talking. He was interested if Gerard would like to know his name back, and if that'd be out of sheer politeness. He couldn't care less, though, if he wouldn't bother to know Frank's name; it's not that Frank would want to keep in touch with this random Gerard at all.  
  
"And you?" Gerard now looks right into Iero's eyes. It's getting on the nerves.  
  
"Frank. It's Frank."  
  
He didn't want to tell him. But it seems like this guy is interested enough to learn a name, so maybe it's worth a shit.

It definitely isn't worth a shit, but Frank could play with it for fun. After that, he'd either bail or ignore Gerard's existence altogether.  
  
"Hmm," the other hummed, "Frankie. Yeah, I can get used to that."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, " Gerard started, "if you so decide to come here every night from now on," he made a sound tug at the cigarette, "I might be able to come to terms with that I'm not alone here. That I'll have Frankie here with me."  
  
Frank looked at him funny. He's never liked the idea of being around people, and now it's only getting worse as this strange guy is practically inviting him to get up here at nights. Frank is not this type of guy to hang out with people he barely knows.  
  
But this Gerard looked genuinely curious. Frank moved his legs up and sits cross-legged, leaning on his hands and looking up.  
  
"You know, I don't like strangers." he said to no one in particular.  
  
"Why?" Gerard asked, throwing the cigarette butt away.  
  
"Eh.. m, let's start with that I don't like people in general. They only bring despair, get it?" Frank's not looking at the red-haired guy, "that's why I come here. To run away from all those humans down there."  
  
Gerard hummed understandingly, keeping quiet for a while. They sat in silence: Frank trying to pretend there's no one around here, Gerard's thinking about his sudden company. The red-haired man knocked rhythmically at the chill concrete floor underneath them, taking in Frank's appearance. He has a better vision in the dark as he's used to it, really.  
  
So that's an advantage that Gerard can look at him while he can not.  
  
Frank's got big eyes. So big the whole universe might as well reflect in them, and, for lack of a better word, ordinary hair. Well, if a pitch black color of hair is anything ordinary, though. The tattoos on his neck and hands, they look like there was a lot of thought put into them. Gerard wouldn't lie if he said he liked the way the guy looked.  
  
"You're pretty." he said matter-of-factly, startling Frank's peace.  
  
"I get that a lot," he said after fixing his eyes at Gerard, "but I don't believe it."  
  
"I won't try to make you believe." Gerard shrugged. "Just thought I should let you know."  
  
Frank smirked, unamused.  
  
"Well, thank you." he shook his head, making a few stray locks fall in his face, "I can't compliment you back, though." Iero stated, "I can't see you."  
  
Gerard smiled at that. He doesn't make compliments just to get a praise back; sometimes it's hard to keep the mouth shut and not randomly admit to liking someone's face out loud. That's lucky for him that Frank can't see him.  
  
"But I could imagine you're pretty, too," Frank continued, not knowing how to keep this small talk up anymore. "You sound like a very handsome man, if that makes sense. But I've never been good at people, so."  
  
"Do you live in here?" Gerard switched the conversation so it doesn't go any more awkward.  
  
"Fifth floor, room 93." Frank said as if he's not bothered. Gerard made a mental note to come see him one time.  
  
"What's that for?"  
  
"Thought you'd like to come visit." He said sarcastically. Really, he didn't know better than to spill it out? It didn't matter anyway.  
  
Frank had not looked at him once. Living alone in a city you know nothing about and trying to work just to justify your worthless exsistence is a thought for now which has his almost full undivided attention. And, well, he was hoping to lie here and gaze up into this nighttime sky while picking what turn to choose on his life path, but it seemed like Gerard didn't want that.  
  
"Well thank you, now I'm officialy invited," Gerard grinned, "I'll come."  
  
He said that as he stood up and turned to leave without a word. Frank jumped at his feet.  
  
"Wait!" he called out.  
  
Gerard stopped.  
  
"What about you?"  
  
"Floor 11, room 227."  
  
And with that, he was nowhere to be seen on the roof anymore. Frank levelled back down onto the freezing stone floor, lighting a cigarette. With his immune system it is not even a possibility, it is a welcome burden to get sick tomorrow morning. But he didn't care what would happen tomorrow.  
  
Nothing good, obviously.  
  
***  
  
"Fuckin' cold," Frank mutters, throwing his keys onto the nightstand.  
  
He's been on the roof for far too much time now, and it surely is going to fuck him up tomorrow morning. But really, does he care? No. It's just it gets cramped and heavy in his head, which isn't the most pleasurable thing. But that's no big. He's a strong boy. Atleast that's what mother said.  
  
Momma's always said, 'don't give up, reach for the sky, do your best'. Momma's always been there, until she's not.  
  
Frank glanced on the picture framed neatly on his table. His mother smiled at him brightly from the photograph and it made his guts twist. It's been almost a year since Linda passed away, and her miserable son still didn't know what to do.  
  
He walked around the bed to swipe at the frame, turning it upside down. He didn't want his mother to see him like this: broken, reserved and angry at world. His animosity towards society really didn't help him much, but that's the only thing left keeping him alive.  
  
To be alive you need to feel emotions, and hate is one hell of a strong emotion. If there's no hatred in Frank's heart, than he might as well kill himself because there will be no emotion left. And that's a scary thought.  
  
Frank turned all the lights off and dropped down onto the sheets. There's no point in undressing, he thought, but getting twitchy because of excessive clothing was not on his to do list. It's not bad, just uncomfortable.  
  
Bed wasn't the most peaceful place for him. It was almost like triggering all the thoughts in his head. His interior world needs to shut the fuck up for once, or he's not gonna get that job. Again.  
  
But it does feel a lot like the night isn't done with Frank, because when he finally throws his mind into a silent place the gushing wind outdoors starts to create a meaningless cacophony of sounds among with that cold rain Frank sure did predict.  
  
Yep, it never gets old.  
  
Anything but peace in this life.  
  
There's only one way to play this around, and it is to use the sounds as a lullaby, which Frank gladly does in a desire to get atleast a little sleep. He wants that job, or he's gonna end up dead in the street. Not a prospect, but not the worst thing too.  
  
It's controversial.  
  



	2. this looks like a job for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> frank tries to get a job for heaven's sake

There's no such thing as a "nice suit for a job interview" in Frank Iero's closet. This guy has never been the neat one in the clothing sense; yet, his place was always terribly clean. And that made a rather vivid contrast between his not-so-shitty apartment (just because it was clean and taken care of) and his own shabby self.  
  
But today was not like other days, and Frank was not dressed like other days' Frank would be. It's fascinating how hypocritical a person can be just in the sheer desire to get what they need.  
  
Frank huffed somehow annoyed as he eyed himself in the mirror, turning left and right twice as many times as he would in a week's time only to realise that he really didn't care that much about what happened on the lower half of his left leg. Nodding to himself, the guy took his bag and keys from his bedside table and left, pushing his worn earbuds into his head like it was a weapon of sorts.  
  
He didn't even watch his step anymore, that's how in a hurry he'd been all this time because fuck night's sleep and say hello to the insomnia. When he was finally stomping into the elevator, he really didn't notice another person standing there patiently. Well, didn't notice until he stormed unceremoniously into them.  
  
"Fuck, I'm sorry," Frank started, easily becoming irritated with his own clumsiness.  
  
"No," a vaguely familiar voice hurried to reassure Frank, "that's okay, really."  
  
"Oh," Frank looked up from his involuntary position and couldn't really recognize the guy talking to him only looking at his (pretty) face, but he definitely remembered the bright lady-red hair from the night before along with a charming voice, "Gerard, right? Hi."  
  
Gerard levelled him with an amused gaze and nodded slightly, taking in his new acquaintance's appearance.  
  
"Yep, one and only." The guy didn't seem as depressing anymore. Had a good night? Probably, at least Frank hoped so because he didn't have the nerve to deal with an angry neighbour at the very moment, "You hurry somewhere? That'd justify why you almost knocked me off my feet, now."  
  
The red-haired man chuckled softly and Frank twitched a bit. Gerard didn't seem to mind this little accident though as he pushed the elevator button, unfazed. The door dragged closed and Frank could finally eye the mysterious stranger in the bright light.  
  
The guy isn't half bad, and if Frank didn't hate the guts of all and any human being, he might actually have liked him. But not on his watch, Mrs Life.  
  
The hair is what was pretty odd though. Why would a man in his right mind color his hair that unprofessional of a color? They'd never approve of you, and Frank was dumb enough to experience that with all of his tattoos that made him look "sketchy", like the employers would love to say. It's irresponsible to dye your hair burgundy, but Frank's really not the responsible one to talk in the first place, so he decided to shut his thoughts up.  
  
Then only Frank realised that Gerard was left on read with his question, and that would be downright rude to stay silent any longer. Yes, Frank hated people but no, he wasn't impolite.  
  
"Uh, yes, actually," He scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably, "a job interview. I was rushing because I am very incredibly late."  
  
"Oh," Gerard sighed when the elevator came to a stop, "I hope it's not because of yesterday's night."  
  
He looked like he felt a little guilty, but it wasn't him to keep Frank up at night so there was none of his fault in this. Frank had fucked up all by himself and that's a regular occurrence.  
  
"No, it's just the insomnia," he waved off, "I couldn't sleep anyway, not a big. A cup of coffee and I'm ready to go."  
  
Frank really wasn't that keen on the idea of continuing the conversation as he strolled very quickly down the hall, Gerard up on his tail as he obviously wasn't done with him.  
  
"Wait," Gerard called out and, struggling to hold an annoyed sigh, Frank stopped and turned to look at him, "I thought, I was just going for a walk. Do you need a ride? I heard buses can be one pain in the ass sometimes."  
  
Iero elaborated on the idea a little in his mind. A lift would help a lot, because he was rushing so hard only to get on the second right bus that was already 10 minutes late for his interview, and the next one was only in half an hour which meant no job for Frank once again.  
  
But by car he'd get there with about 7 minutes and 34 seconds to spare, and that was good enough of an argument to agree even if it meant spending another half an hour awkwardly trying to pretend being friendly.  
  
"Yes, that'd be so helpful," he said, sending Gerard a calculated fake smile made for people to believe Frank wasn't a complete utter sociophobe. "Thank you."  
  
Gerard replied with a smile of his own, but unlike the other's it was truly genuine, which threw Frank off a bit before he collected himself, straightening his usual busy face on.  
  
"My pleasure." the red-haired said, hurrying over to his car.

  
  
***

  
  
"Which parking lot?" Gerard asked, pulling off from the driveway, "there's two of 'em."  
  
Frank looked around. One was apparently for employees, the other for clients. Well, he sure wanted to park at the employees place, but first off it's wishful thinking, second off Gerard's surely not an employee. And never will be as Frank learnt he was deadly afraid of needles.  
  
"Uh, guess one on the right," Frank pointed to the fancier one, "it looks like the visitors parking."  
  
"Alright."  
  
Frank eyed the building cautiously. It wasn't anything scary or ridiculously fancy for that matter; it was an average three and a half star tattoo shop. He'd always wanted to be a tattoo artist if his grandiose band scenario wouldn't work. What? Oh, right, it didn't. So here he was, standing in front of his "dream job".  
  
But before he had his dream job, he was obliged to work all the dirty ones in this shop.  
  
Why the fuck would anyone do an entering test to hire a guy to wash the fucking floor? That is just undeniably stupid! Well, guess what, these men do. It's always so serious in these places.  
  
But one thing for certain; his tattoos won't be a bother anymore. It is a tattoo shop, these should not scare anyone away from here. They're not supposed to, at least, and Frank very much hopes it stays this way.  
  
"Uh, thanks for the lift?" The guy said, leaving the car.  
  
"Yeah, no problem." Gerard smiled sweetly and Frank felt out of place for a moment, "and, Frankie? Are you home tonight?"  
  
Frank almost stumbled getting out of the car. He thought for a couple of seconds before turning to face the red-haired man once again.  
  
Why would he ask? Frank hates people. He hates when they try to ruin his personal time and space. And he hates that they never really care. So why would Gerard even bother?  
  
"That depends." he answered, hoping it would end the conversation.  
  
"On what?" Gerard pried, looking Frank over.  
  
Iero wanted to run away already, but that was inappropriate in the situation given. So, he just sighed inaudibly.  
  
"On what you're asking this for." The red-haired already opened his mouth to speak when Frank cut him short, "if you want to visit me then no, I'm not home. Any other way around, yes. I'll be home probably drinking senseless because I'll not be accepted for the job."  
  
The look on Gerard's face was a bit amusing while he was trying to comprehend what was said.  
  
"Now, if you don't mind, I really need to go. Thanks again." Frank muttered and jogged away hurriedly before Gerard could react.  
  
That was a close one, but no. Not now, not ever. No people anymore, they brought enough pain already it would last a thousand years.  
  
It's indescribable how this feeling of loneliness hugs around Frank's neck ready to squeeze when he interacts with others. That would be the second emotion ever to feel: loneliness. Not better than hatred, anyway. But, in a way, loneliness is hatred: despising of the fact that you have no one who will make it all better.  
  
Frank's never had one of those, seems like these people are straight out of a fairy tale or some shit.  
  
He sighed loudly as he stepped into the shop in his inappropriate apparel, but when the manager (or the owner? Frank wasn’t sure who the fuck it was) went out of the dim dorky room, Frank's nerves  
calmed down a bit: the man was not so officially dressed himself. That would put them on the same page, right?  
  
Frank sure did hope so. 

  
*** 

That didn’t go as planned.

Frank got the job.

It was nothing; word for a word and he’s accepted. He had anticipated much more of a challenge, and now he was left overwhelmed with unnecessary nerves.

But, on the other hand, what did he want? A fucking astronaut test for washing floors or something?

The boss said Frank could do well enough and be promoted promptly as he had an artist degree to help him even more. So with that, he left with a schedule in his hands.

And now there was a questionably working fridge full of questionable beer.

Sitting on his couch, Frank still couldn’t believe he was accepted. Far too many times before had he been turned down because of tattoos, age, inexperience, whatsoever, and now somebody dared to do this without any complaints. It utterly shocked the guy out of his mind for a moment, but it was nothing. He’d come around.

A knock on the door made Frank jump out of his reverie and sigh dramatically. Was it Gerard not following Frank’s plea not to come? It definitely was him, so Iero decided to stay put and hope the red-haired disaster of a neighbour would leave by himself.

But when he heard an unfamiliar voice say “delivery, please open the door”, Frank perked up. He walked quietly to the door and looked through the peephole.

There was a man dressed in a delivery worker uniform, and that was strange as hell. Cautiously he opened the door and the man smiled at him, greeting.

“Hello. Here’s the order,” he said, taking a small bag out of his big backpack, “and there was a note with it. Enjoy your meal.”

With that, the guy left. Frank stood in his doorway for about a minute trying to understand what had just happened.

He closed the door and looked at the bag in his hands. There was a piece of paper sticking out of it.

**_“Hey, I thought that would be a nice gift if you got accepted, or it’d cheer you up if not. Anyway, I don’t know what you like, so here’s what every single person likes. Have a good night. G.”_ **

“Huh,” Frank hummed, scratching his neck, “sweet.”

He opened the bag further and sighed relieved that there was no meat in there.

Truly, Frank didn’t know what to make out of that. That was a nice gesture, yeah, but.. why? The question still remained, and it’s not like Frank was to believe that the answer was sheer curiosity on Gerard’s side.

But, when he finished his surprise meal, the door was knocked on the second time.

“Fu-u-uck!” Frank groaned, getting up and stomping angrily to the door. “What?”


	3. cause misery's funny to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the roof is slippery and the thoughts are dark enough

Behind that door, a scarily happy Gerard was shooting smiles at a very grumpy Frank. He was maybe a head taller than the other, and it was kind of amusing how they looked at each other like that: Frank with his angry stare directed up right into Gerard’s eyes.

“What?” Gerard replied, looking confused.

“I said I wasn’t home, Gerard!”

“Well, I knew you lied..“ He bit his bottom lip, “and, anyway, you invited me last night, it’s not like I came here on my own.”

Gerard smiled smugly, which made Frank question his own sanity. This just doesn’t happen to him – people don’t take up on his offers out of the blue. Is he going crazy from this lack of human interaction?

Is Gerard just a mysterious fragment of his sick imagination?

“Earth to Frank?” Gerard snapped his fingers in front of the other’s face.

“Huh? Oh. Why did you come?” Frank managed, knitting his eyebrows together.

“Uh, I wanted to ask you how your interview went?” Gerard peeped into the apartment which sent Frank an unwelcome hint to step away from the door and finally let his unexpected guest in.

Well, this guy right there bought him food which meant Frank wasn’t going to die from starvation tonight, so there’s actually no way for him to decline Gerard of entering the apartment.

“You can come in,” Frank said, moving away from the doorway.

“Why thank you,” Gerard smiled again and waltzed gracefully through the door and inside what looked like living room.

Frank followed close behind and dropped down onto the couch, bringing his legs up crossed. His guest looked around and settled on the other side of the sofa, examining Frank’s gloomy face.

“Didn’t it go well?” he said, concerned.

“No, I got the job,” Frank gazed anywhere but at Gerard, “It’s just.. I don’t necessarily have people over quite often, so..”

“You want me to leave?” Gerard’s brows furrowed as he bit his lip somewhat hurt.

“No! No,” Frank tried to recompose himself, “Thanks for the meal, by the way.”

“Did I guess with it?” Gerard all forgot about his apparent sadness and perked up, a curious little smile tugging at his thin lips.

“Yeah, and thanks there’s no meat. I’m vegan.” He said, smiling a little. It felt unnatural to smile because you couldn’t help it.

“Oh, I knew you were some kind of a smartass,” Gerard chuckled, relaxing against the back of the couch, which made Frank feel more comfortable in the guy’s company, _“the world doesn’t, not don’t,_ blah-blah. Called it.”

Iero watched him, a little confused. How is this the same man he met yesterday on the roof top sounding so damn dark and mystified?

“You’re weird.” Frank chuckled, eyeing Gerard from his half-lidded eyes. Actually, it was quite late.

“I get that a lot,” Gerard said, rubbing his palms together, “hey, you wanna get up on the roof? You look like you’ve been stressing a lot.”

Frank thought about the other’s suggestion for a moment. That wasn’t that bad of an idea, and it would help a bit to just sit in the night wind and get the head a little cleaned up. With that in mind, it was very welcome of an idea.

“Yeah, let’s go.” Frank said eagerly, smiling back at Gerard when he almost jumped up from his seat.

“Wow, look at the sky today!” Gerard whistled, stepping onto the slippery rooftop.

“Watch it.” Frank warned him absent-mindedly.

“Yeah, right.” The red-haired man glanced down before swiftly turning his gaze back up, amazed at the stars shining brightly.

“Yeah, it’s pretty and all, but..” Frank stopped near Gerard and looked up, “it’s just light from a dead star, it’s sad more than it is anything else.”

Gerard tapped his foot once and looked over at Frank. Now his red-framedface was lit with bright moonlight, and he looked godawfully beautiful. Frank lingered his sight on him a second longer than necessary before finally snapping his head away to look at nothing in particular.

“It is such a pity the same happens to people.” He said, unwavering.

“What do you mean?” Gerard furrowed his brows, sitting down cross-legged in the centre of the rooftop.

“People,” he started, gesturing vividly until he seated himself across Gerard, “they shine so fucking bright, but inside.. they’re dead.”

The red-haired looked confused as he gazed into wet cement floor.

“Do you think that of all people?” Gerard asked barely above a whisper, like he was afraid to speak louder.

“M, yeah, pretty much.”

He looked at Frank with an emotion known all too well to the latter: sympathy. Oh, how Frank didn’t want any goddamn sympathy.

“Even about yourself?”

“Oh, myself in the first place.” Frank chuckled unamused, staring off into the dark night.

The city lights could blind any man at this point, that’s how bright they burned.

“Why do you think so?” Gerard asked, sounding very hurt like Frank had insulted him.

“Oh,” Frank laughed with no humour. It had already started to look psychotic. “Because, Gerard, look at me. What am I?” Iero threw his hands in the air a little too dramatically, “What do you see?”

Gerard looked him over, biting his lower lip.

“I see a beautiful man with a troubled mind,” he whispered, “I see a depressed maniac of his own beliefs who’s afraid to let himself love instead of hate everything he sees.”

Frank eyed him carefully with a victorious smirk. He chuckled again, clapping once softly.

“See?” he said, smiling, “that’s what I meant! You see my exterior that shines, but inside I am troubled and hateful. I am almost dead, and that’s what everyone is.”

Gerard looked at him indignantly.

“You only see what you want to see, Frank.” He said, standing up.

“Oh, and you’ve only known me for 24 hours, so I wouldn’t jump to conclusions if I were you.’

Gerard turned to look at his companion still sprawled on the ground. Frank peered up at him with no emotion in his eyes, and that made Gerard’s heart skip a beat. It was painful to see someone so lost and wasted. He knew he wanted to help Frank, but with every passing second it was harder to understand him. It was getting too complicated, and it terrified Gerard.

It terrified him to think how lost Frank actually was.

Lost and confused.

“Then, tell me about yourself.” He tried, holding eye contact.

“Oh hell no.” Frank spat angrily, getting up, “I’ve hated people for as long as I can remember and there’s no way I’m opening up to one of you.” He then said, pressing his finger into Gerard’s chest before turning on his heels.

“Frank, wait!” the red-haired called out after him, who was already strolling down the stairs. “Just! Just trust me?”

Gerard stopped him with a hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. He turned the other to face him with a hopeful look.

“You dream.” Frank whispered, kicking Gerard’s hand off of his shoulder and running into the elevator, closing it right in his face.

The red-haired stared at the closed elevator door for a couple of seconds, confused, and then sighed deeply, pressing the button. Looking around, he noticed a bunch of keys lying on the floor as if it had fallen out of someone’s pocket.

When he picked the keys up, it clicked. Of course it was Frank’s keys, from room 93, just like it said on the band.

“Oh, Frankie..” he sighed, pushing the keys into his pocket and pressing 5thfloor button.

When Gerard got to the room he needed, he found himself wondering as to why there was no one in the hall who might have lost their keys. He looked around briefly before starting towards the 93rdroom in hopes to find his clumsy neighbor there.

And, for Gerard’s greatest surprise, there was nothing there but an apartment door opened three inches. He furrowed his brows and contemplated barging in, but in the last second decided to give Frank a moment of privacy and knock like normal people do.

A loud groan from the other side of the door let the red-haired know that Frank was indeed inside, which left him very confused about how the guy managed to get in. Following the voice there were a couple of curses before sound steps reached Gerard’s ears. The door flung open, revealing a very upset Frank behind it.

Gerard mustered his best smile and held up the keys while Frank rolled his eyes and leaned up to grab the godforsaken bunch. He almost got them when the other snatched them right from under his hand and smirked viciously.

“What?” Frank groaned, annoyed.

“Let me in.” Gerard said simply, holding the keys as high as Frank wouldn’t get to them.

“Why?” he almost whined, slumping his shoulders but letting the other in nonetheless.

“Because that way I will return your keys.” Gerard said, walking inside the apartment. “It’s as simple as that.”

Frank watched his unwelcome guest fucking promenade through his hall and kitchen, landing on the living room couch. He sighed soundly and closed the door, following the other inside of his own goddamn apartment.

“The fuck are you doing?” Frank gushed, throwing his hands up while falling next to his neighbor on the sofa. “I though I made myself very clear that I hated people!”

“Well,” Gerard started, looking quite smug and pissing Iero off, “I thought I made myself clear that you were mistaken, and Frank, I don’t want to fight with you.” The red-haired straightened his face, looking all shades of serious. “Please, just let me talk to you. I know I don’t look like that guy you could trust the most, but I see how to troubled you are, and for the life of me I can’t let that be.”

Gerard tried hard not to let his hands wander around, but he couldn’t help it. He wasn’t himself the most sociable person per se, but something about Frank seemed so off it was borderline dangerous to stay that way any longer. You never know when exactly this mindset will drive you nuts.

“I have never let people in for the past ten years of my life, why start now?” Frank whispered, desperate. He understood there was no point in arguing.

“Because I want to help.” The other said quietly, looking down like a teenager caught red-handed drinking.

For fuck’s sake, why did Gerard not get off Frank’s ass the second he knew his name? It’s awful and no one wants a Frank friend. And also, why is he so goddamn nosey? He looks like a tornado blew a bottle of red paint all over his pretty face and colored his hair way too bright for it to be normal. Don’t those people always mind their own business?

“I don’t believe you.” Frank said plainly, staring at him. “Why would somebody like you even give a single damn about someone like me?”

“What do you mean like you?” Gerard looked authentically confused by Frank’s choice of words.

“I mean that I am me, a worthless piece of shit and I’m not gonna explain that.” He stated firmly, “..yet.”

“Someone like you sounds scarily like someone like me.” Gerard complicated, meeting Frank’s empty gaze for a split second, “I am a worthless cause, remember?”

Gerard smiled just a tiny bit, and Frank almost let his guard down. But in that moment, he composed himself and stood up before he could do any more mistakes like falling for that one-sided smile of the insane neighbor from the roof.

He stood up and swatted his keys out of Gerard’s hand, showing him to the door.

“Now, you gave my keys back, leave.”

Frank’s cold gaze didn’t stir when he eyed the red-haired down. Gerard gave up and left the apartment without dropping a single word.


	4. one step closer to the edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> accidents happen and it takes someone to come around to save your life

“Why is he so stubborn?” Gerard asked himself, walking two stairs at a time. “Worthless piece of shit… no one is worthless! Everyone has a purpose!”

He argued with his own self all the way to the roof. He wanted some air. He never really liked arguments, or being declined, or both at the same time. This whole situation got him a little mad, which wasn’t usually a regularity. It felt kind of strange feeling that way for different reasons than hating your own self.

Gerard had always hated himself. That was it from the day one as he realized himself being in a place called The World, where there is death, violence, total insecurity and danger. He liked the concept, and he accepted it very easily. But he never truly accepted himself as a part of that world. There was no way to describe this feeling, Gerard had always thought. Every time he changed his clothes, his hair, his makeup, he still didn’t belong, and that was the reason why he never liked himself nearly as much as he loved other people.

The humanity was always a priority to Gerard. He wanted to do something worthy of people’s attention, maybe, create something with an ability to save someone’s life. Having tried realize that through art, Gerard failed (as he thought) and tried to do music, which was also a disappointment from his point of view. That is, his point of view was complete bullshit. And his music was great, as were his comics. But he hated it.

And that would go into an endless loop of hate. The desire to help the world was overwhelming and it pushed him to do stuff he hated because it was made by him. Never-ending nightmare.

And seeing another person like that made Gerard’s guts twist. Feeling the other’s hate for themselves project onto the world around them as well was truly heartbreaking. He never wanted anyone to feel the same as he did, and when that hate doubles it becomes destructive not only to the keeper of it, but also to the ones around. And Gerard could most definitely sacrifice his own good to help others to not feel that way. To appreciate themselves.

He stepped on the roof and walked a little further into the open night. He looked up mesmerized, continuing to take lazy short steps towards the edge. The roof was still very slippery from the rain, but it didn’t really matter.

He opened his eyes and peered into the night sky, taking deep breaths and finally calming down from a long, infertile day.

Gerard didn’t even notice how close to the open void beneath the building he was.

In the 93rdapartment, Frank didn’t feel very well. He thought a lot about what had happened a bit ago, and those thoughts didn’t really give him any joy. Of course, there were a goddamn lot of ways to entertain oneself in his partly-nice apartment. He could be rejoicing in a couple of beers for all he knew, but there was no way his scattered mind would let go of the situation that took place before all of this brainstorm.

Thinking about your wrongs is an eternal struggle. No one wants to accept that they were.. quite not right in a situation and admit it, and Frank was no exception. But even with that in mind, he was always self-analysing, and going overboard with it. He analysed his state of mind and found new and new holes every time, which drove him absolute bonkers.

He couldn’t be that rude to Gerard, the poor guy never did any ill to Frank, why would he be such an ass? Why is because of his own insecurities Gerard gonna be mad or pissed or sad or god-knows-what? Hating people and wishing them bad were kind of polar opposite things for Iero, and that was one hundred percent his late mother’s residue.

He had behaved way too harshly, and the only thing to do to calm down the voice of his unapologetic conscience was that he totally needed to go, find Gerard for the third time that night and apologize. Just apologize with no extra words, and then go back to your own cozy apartment for lonely losers and about ten dogs in general.

That sounded about right.

And not a difficult task. That would do it.

But he couldn’t really.

But Frank stood up and started straight for the roof. It’s the only place you can find Gerard in.

Frank stepped onto the roof and felt a cold gush of wind that almost stroke him down to his knees. Balancing on his feet, he looked around. The place seemed bigger than it was before in this state of mind Frank was currently in. He focused his gaze and found a silhouette of a person standing way too close to the edge, seemingly not caring about it as they blissfully stared into the sky.

The city lights hadn’t faded away by a bit, and there’s not much to see up there, but the person didn’t mind.

Frank figured Gerard was so into his activity he all forgot about the danger. The concrete floor was wet and slippery, which wasn’t quite beneficial in the slightest. Concerned, Frank threw his big unwillingness aside for the moment, taking a cautious step forward if only not to scare Gerard. That could end badly.

He took a few steps further and just as he was nearing the red-haired disaster, said guy lifted his foot in the air over the edge as if to go, losing his balance and tumbling forward.

Frank didn’t know how he reacted, but he did. He grabbed Gerard’s hand just in the moment to pull him back up and safely to the ground. It happened like a flash; so swiftly he couldn’t even process the situation properly. Gerard let out a shriek of terror and fell into the other’s arms, but then stopped all the movements completely, trying to bring himself about. It wasn’t very distinct what was his biggest misery: being pulled away from his reverie or almost falling off a cliff.

“What the actual fuck!” was the first thing that left Frank’s mouth.

He let his arms untangle from around Gerard and took two respectable steps back to give them some space.

“What?” the red-haired man said, panting softly from the scare of it.

“You almost fucking slipped off!” Frank told him a little too harshly, upping his voice.

“Did I really?” Gerard asked, looking utterly confused.

“Yes!” Frank threw his arms in the air, “That’s ridiculous! If I weren’t here, you would have-”

“Oh shut up,” Gerard cut him off and Iero stopped talking at once, “You _were_ here, that matters.”

Frank panicked.

‘‘How can you be so fine with that? You almost fell down..”

Gerard smiled and got up from his knees.

“Because I am alive and that’s what matters.” He repeated, “there’s really no point in wondering what could have been if, but I must admit, that was scary as fuck.” He chuckled softly, “Thank you.”

“For saving your fucking life?” Frank asked incrediously, “yes, you’re welcome! I came to apologisze, now I’m a superhero. That is so fucking ironic.”

“Apologize for what?” Gerard’s mischievous demeanor shifted into confusion once again.

Frank’s gaze fell and he felt out of place for a second. Really, what was he apologizing for? He made it pretty clear to Gerard that he hated him, himself and all and any human being, why was he contradicting himself in that exact moment?

That was an issue for Frank. Of course, deep down he knew he wasn’t as hateful as he preferred to think, and those morals or.. whatever, they always had been making their way up from darkest corners of his very soul. But it was just _easier_ for Frank to live the way he did, to cut off any possibility of getting hurt again. Any possibility of giving _another person_ a right to hurt him in a click of fingers.

But that impossible struggle, that unfair battle was always won by peace over the fear, even though Frank would _never_ accept that and swear to himself to never let that weakness slip through ever again.

And here he was, breaking his own promise once again.

“For treating you the way I did earlier,” he finally said, making brief eye contact with the red-haired man, feeling something odd in the other’s gaze; something he’d never seen before in people, “truly, you did no wrong to me and I was unjust in behaving the way I did. I hope we can move on from that little misunderstanding.”

When Frank started to worry, and why, the guy had no idea. But that made him ramble on, use official vocabulary and make a fool of himself as Gerard softly snickered at him and gave him a genuinely amused smile.

“It’s nothing,” he waved off, “I’m used to getting turned down; they say I care about other’s business too much and I should really mind my own.”

Gerard shrugged. He wasn’t looking upset; maybe, a little disappointed, but that was not a result of the situation. That was just a thought he came back to every time he wandered around in his mind.

Frank smiled in response. Clearly, he still wasn’t too keen on the idea of talking to anybody, but if in this whole wide world was a person he would hate just not as much as others, that would be his a little weird neighbor from the 11thfloor.

“So, um,” Frank said, stuttering, “I guess I’m gonna head back. Have a good night. Sorry again.”

He started to back off when Gerard instinctively caught his wrist, stopping the former from leaving.

“Wait a second,” his raspy voice was just a tiny bit above whisper as he gently let go of Franks hand, “do you mind if we, like, keep talking? I promise I’m gonna keep my nose out of your business.”

Gerard looked almost shy at that point, which confused Frank. The way that he remembered it, people always had acted superior around him, and never were _sheepish_ while talking to _him._ That was flattering, though, no denying it, and Frank’s smile grew more confident by second.

“I guess?” he said, uncertain. “We could try.”

Frank was fighting inside. He didn’t really know how to handle that, on one hand he wanted to turn that down as quickly as possible, but on the other hand he was ecstatic to finally change up the dark place he was living in. But it would be a tremendous success if he could win this fight, which he probably couldn’t. The guy was sure he was going to fail this, and any other social relationship he would be given a chance to develop in the future.

He was too invested in hating the people who hurt him to finally see that not every single person was purposefully trying to offend him. Gerard could see through that, too. He was very sensitive with people; he could _feel_ a lot of internal struggles others might have, and that was a gift or a curse. 

Realistically, Gerard didn’t know the actual reason why Frank was so reserved and spiteful towards society, but he would follow his guts and sure as hell try to help him, even though he promised to keep out of his life.

Well, Gerard was a great friend, as well as a great liar.


	5. just you and i your starless eyes remain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iS tHiS yOuR bOyFrIeNd   
>  lInDsEy NoO!

It was easier than Frank had imagined. The guy in the tattoo shop wasn’t lying when he said Frank would soar up in his position in no time, well, if being one big master’s helper was any kind of soaring up.

But even that was enough. Surely, a job with a permanent factor of _people_ in it wasn’t quite ideal for a person like Frank, but that’s just what he had to go with. Any other way around he would’ve ended up in the streets with no money whatsoever.

To look at it this way, it was the best option from all existing.

Only getting up every morning at ungodly (at least, Frank thought so) hour of 7 o’clock was a disaster. He needed to get over his whiney self every single day and that was _quite_ a challenge.

And that with the fact that tattoo shop opened at 10 am.

Frank was just a pro in the field of being late, which had been proven his true calling since the day he started working at the shop. Gerard had been giving him a lift more often than not, and that scared Frank but also flattered him; and a tiny bit made uncomfortable, because a) he’s a fuckup; b) Gerard spent way too much time on Frank’s errands than Frank did himself, which felt unfair.

And also, Frank was only getting used to having someone to talk to in his life (who wasn’t his mother), and this drastic change of lifestyle was absolutely mercilessly nagging at Frank’s mind.

He wasn’t quite sure if he liked it or not; still, he met Gerard around the block or in the street casually walking way too many times for it to be considered seldom, so, yeah, they talked. Quite a lot, actually.

Gerard just couldn’t stop wondering; Frank’s enigmatic persona was magnifying, and his struggle came across as something mysterious Gerard sure as hell wanted to decipher. He didn’t mean to stumble into Frank that often, though, it happened on its own. It wasn’t a command thing, it just happened.

Maybe there was something about Frank being a complete mess that made them meet randomly all of the time.

Frank wasn’t sure enough to even consider asking Gerard to come over, which he was certain wasn’t a really good idea. He still didn’t know if all of this was a really good idea; Gerard did seem like a nice guy, but didn’t they all? Didn’t they all seem like nice guys right before they broke your goddamn heart, spilled all of your secrets and casually destroyed everything you ever cared for?

Thinking of that, Frank resented the very thought of letting Gerard get any closer to him than he was at the moment.

There was no need for it to happen, moreover, Frank wouldn’t like for it to happen. He would hate it.

So, with that being said, they talked a lot. Did Frank like it? Not so sure. Did he want to keep going? Yes.

A little big paradox surrounded Frank’s life.

A couple of weeks into a cheap parody of a normal life, and it already was a disastrous experience.

“Oh yeah,” came a high-pitched laughter from behind Frank, “late again? Not surprised, bro.”

Gerard snickered and patted Frank’s shoulder as he neared him in the hallway. Frank jumped at the sudden contact and grounded the red-haired man with a gaze that threw missiles.

Gerard, though, wasn’t intimidated by that. He held onto the shorter guy’s shoulder for a second more before he let go of it and evened his step with Frank’s.

“It’s like I’m your personal driver now,” Gerard said nonchalantly, “do you need me to get you there?”

“That’s exactly why I don’t need it, Gee,” he said, pushing the door open and storming out of it, “you’ve been helping me since I first went to the interview, I think it’s time for you to get a life.”

Frank didn’t mean to sound so annoyed, quite the opposite: he was really so, so grateful to Gerard that it was kinda annoying from others’ point of view. But, Frank was in a such shitty mood he threw daggers around every time he tried to be friendly.

However, Gerard seemed to take no offence.

“A bad morning? Then I definitely want to drive you. My favorite coffee shop is there anyway.”

Frank stopped and looked at him, dumbfounded.

“Why are you so adamant on this?” he said, confused.

“It’s just that I enjoy your company,” Gerard shrugged and retrieved his car keys, “and I sure do love that coffee.”

Gerard walked to his car smoothly and opened it.

“Speaking of which, would you like to meet up there tonight?” red-haired man waited for Frank to scoff and get into the passenger seat, “you see, the only times I get to talk to you is when you’re late or out in the street, so I thought that maybe you’d like to hang out?” 

Gerard sat at his driving seat and started the engine, successfully muting Frank’s nervous gulp.

It was not Gerard making him nervous per se, it was just the fact that the guy might _want_ to get closer that was bothering Frank. He just _couldn’t_ agree on that. That would mean the absolute end of the world; that would make Frank too vulnerable, because once it had started there was no going back.

“Uh,” he started, scratching his neck nervously, “I-I don’t know?” he said, instead of a direct ‘no’.

“Aw, come on, man!” Gerard exclaimed, “I thought it wouldn’t hurt to go out.”

Frank thought for a moment; would it hurt? Well, yeah, it would, because Gerard was going to get too close for comfort.

But what if that was _exactly_ what Frank needed this whole time?

What if all that he craved for was closeness? A person near him? Someone to trust?

That was _such_ a scary thought. He just physically couldn’t trust anybody. He hated people, all of them!

But this, _this_ loneliness hurt much, much more. It hurt like a thousand of blades gliding across your skin everywhere, every second, every hour, every day. It hurt like a thousand suns burning your flesh in their unbearable heat.

Would the absolute end of the world be worse than the end of himself? Frank wasn’t sure. But he was sure: as long as he managed to not fall for the red-haired disaster of a man, he would be just fine. As long as Gerard didn’t have the ability to hurt him, it was alright.

Oh, how wrong was he to think that he could keep away from falling hard.

“Okay, fine.” He said, shaking his head. “I finish up at 8 pm, wanna meet me there?”

“Will do.” Gerard said matter-of-factly, proceeding to strike random conversation.

Frank thought of that all day.

His coworkers’ jokes did no help.

He couldn’t really answer them because he was too afraid to even talk to them. He knew he would snap, snap badly that he might as well lose his job. So he just had to bear.

But the time went by at supersonic speeds, and he didn’t even blink an eye as Gerard’s jet black car appeared in the street, waiting for Frank to come out of the shop.

“Hey,” his colleague, Lindsey, stopped him, “is that your boyfriend? It’s for science.”

She looked very intrigued. She definitely wanted to know what Frank had to say.

“Oh, no. It’s just a friend,” Frank waved her off uncomfortably, “and he’s waiting, so I think I gotta go-“

“It’s just you come here with him, and now he’s picking you up, I was wondering..”

“Linds, it’s not like that,” he almost snapped, but managed to maintain calmness in his voice, “and goodbye, see you tomorrow.”

He strained a smile and left the shop.

“I’m sorry,” he said instead of a greeting, getting into Gerard’s car for the second time that day.

“No big,” Gerard smiled.

He looked, well, _nice_ in the dim light of the night falling upon the town. He looked nice all the time, really, but that day was especially nice.

“You look nice,” Frank said before he could stop himself.

He realized what he’d just said and wanted to magically vanish. He never wanted to disappear this bad, and he had had a lot of controversial moments in his lifetime.

“Why, thank you,” Gerard’s smile grew bigger, “you’re not bad yourself. I haven’t heard compliments from you like ever, are you okay?”

Clearly, Frank wasn’t okay. He didn’t know why he let that slip in the first place. It was just the spur of the moment kinda thing to say; well, he was really taken aback by how really _gorgeous_ Gerard looked. That was a regular occurrence, though. Frank just would never admit that.

“Yeah, um,” he stuttered, “just thought I should let you know.”

Gerard chuckled softly.

“Yeah, alright.”

They sat in silence for a couple more seconds while Gerard searched for something in his phone. Second later, a loud guitar strum pierced the air and a song started playing. Frank recognized that melody; it was one of his favorites.

“Oasis,” Frank said, looking at Gerard that was staring straight ahead, “I love that band. It’s a pity they broke up.”

“Yeah,” the red-haired man smiled lopsidedly, “I’ve been to one of their concerts, though. Don’t regret a single second of that night.”

“Wow, I’m jealous,” Frank chuckled, averting his gaze from Gerard’s soft features into the window. “I bet that was a great show.”

“The greatest show,” Gerard agreed, taking a turn and parking his car. “So, let me introduce you to my favorite place in the world.”


	6. into your icy blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you cant just take me to a place like this and expect me to believe that you werent at least trying to make it a romantic outing

Gerard got out of the car and Frank laughed quietly at his dorkish manners. It was making a difference; Frank liked that carefree feeling. He almost felt like Gerard was nearing a neutral side, where he wouldn’t be hated anymore. Good for him.

Frank also felt very strange near the red-haired disaster. His charismatic companion made the other’s breath catch in his throat sometimes, and heart skip its beats. Gerard was indeed a gentleman, a handsome young man and surely a kind-hearted person. All in one, he was a perfect human being. At least, that was about as much as Frank knew about him.

But there were no perfect people, so Frank never let his guard down and never planned on doing so any time in the future. You should always be on the lookout for any possible danger; trust issues had always taught him to watch it.

He stepped out of the front seat and followed Gerard into a fancy coffee shop. It was really nicely decorated; it felt cozy and warm inside, red and tangerine-colored lights dimly shone above their heads and it smelled like cinnamon. Little secluded booths with beige puffy sofa-like chairs and wooden tables as well as the floors and walls made this place look nothing short of magical. The whole place was resonating with slow acoustic music, and it felt like the most romantic destination to ever exist.

“I can’t believe you actually managed to get me out on a date,” Frank said, feeling all sorts of things at the same time: from being extremely humbled to hating himself for even being in a situation like this and letting go of his principles.

“So you want it to be a date then?” Gerard smirked, looking at Frank over the shoulder. “I never said it was.”

“You can’t just take me to a place like this and expect me to believe you weren’t at least trying to make it a romantic outing,” Frank said matter-of-factly, shrugging.

“Alright, you have a point.”

Gerard then turned to a barista and ordered some fancy shit Frank never knew the value of. He really liked black coffee. Just black, just coffee, nothing sophisticated.

It wasn’t an expensive café too, which was really surprising, regarding the decorations.

“I got you your fucking black coffee,” Gerard scoffed, tugging Frank along to a farthest empty booth near a tinted window. “Thank me later.”

“I didn’t ask you though,” Frank teased, his smug face lighting up with a genuine smile.

In reality, Frank was a witty little bastard, it’s just that he had buried that trait of himself as well as many others due to lack of use of them. You don’t have to be anything but a sarcastic bitch when it comes to hating people.

However, in this setting, for the first time in years Frank felt something warm bloom inside his chest that let his real character show through the thick skin. It was definitely a welcome change, a feeling that had been long forgotten.

It was so easy to just give in and have a nice time, to just _trust_ and be happy, but no. It was too dangerous; the hazard of being exposed and hurt was too overwhelmingly prominent in Frank’s mind to stop worrying and suspecting bad motives.

That was one of the things Gerard wanted to fight with. And also, he really liked Frank, why not try to help him and himself and kill two birds with one stone? The ideal scenario of this relationship could be very beautiful, it’s just the time that needed to be put into this effort.

“So, Frank,” Gerard said suddenly, making Frank jump a little in his seat, “I’ve been meaning to ask you this for quite some time, but couldn’t find the chance.. Would you mind if I did so now?”

Frank rolled his eyes and stared at Gerard with clear annoyance in his gaze.

“Shoot it already, you’re not in a drama class to be so cryptic, man.”

Gerard snickered.

“How do you feel about parties?”

Frank’s eyebrows shot up as he considered the question to be good enough. He took the coffee that the barista had brought and took a sip, thinking a bit about what he’d got to answer that.

“I guess I like partying in a sense when everyone’s pissed drunk and you just forget about everything?” he said in a questioning manner, shrugging his shoulders, “when there’s really nothing to worry about besides throwing up all over yourself or pissing your pants because you’re so wasted? Yeah, if that, I like parties a lot. Makes me relax.”

“You relax when you throw up all over yourself or piss your pants?” Gerard chuckled, sipping on his own chocolate frappe with some kind of nuts.

“No, that’s not what I meant!” Frank jumped to his defense, smiling uncontrollably, “I like seeing other people in that state for sure, but I just like getting drunk so I can forget..” he stopped suddenly, gulping.

He didn’t want to talk about it; he really did not want to talk about all the things alcohol made him forget about. He knew he would have to tell Gerard about it one day if they keep in touch, but he wanted that moment to never come; especially not now. How can you start talking about your shitty past experiences with boys (and girls) when you’re on a supposedly date with another man? That’s quite an impolite thing to do in the first place, but besides that, Frank just really didn’t wish of telling Gerard all the truth about himself.

That mistake had always brought him to be everybody’s fool. That always got him into trouble.

Excessive trust transformed into distrust, and really, Frank wasn’t that much against that. Only that this distrust just ate him alive because he couldn’t keep a relationship for longer than two days thanks to it, but that wasn’t something Frank was really looking forward to.

Now, that’s a lie, all Frank really wanted was a trustworthy relationship like the one he had with his late mother. But he just wasn’t the guy for it, he felt like. And maybe, that was a faulty statement, but he couldn’t think otherwise.

“Well, okay,” Gerard scratched the back of his neck as if contemplating something, “so, what would you say if I invited you to a party of my own?”

Gerard looked a little nervous which surprised Frank. The red-haired disaster of a man could never stop fascinating him; he behaved like the exact opposite of everyone Frank had ever known. It was humbling indeed.

“Well, if I could drink there senseless, then I’m so down, dude.”

Gerard watched him, a little concerned. Yes, he liked to have a drink or two himself from time to time, but it almost scared him that Frank was so adamant on getting wasted to a point when he wouldn’t remember his own name. That didn’t sound like Frank was a party animal; that sounded more like he was an alcoholic for sure, but that wasn’t the case either. What really concerned the red-haired man is that there was probably something stupidly important for Frank that disappointed him once and made him twist the way he saw the world once and for all; something that happened to change his perspective into what it is now and now he wants to forget it.

Gerard had been analyzing the situation for far too long as Frank snapped his two fingers in front of him, making him shake his head and bring the attention back to his melted ice cream in the cup and Frank behind it. He smiled a little, his smile coming out a little more fake than he intended it to, but Frank didn’t really notice. Gerard was so into the mystery of solving Frank’s enigma that he all forgot to interact with the real Frank he had in front of him rather than a picture in his brain.

“Oh, yeah.” He smiled, more sincerely this time, “I just wanted to know if you would come to my birthday party this weekend. It isn’t quite the party you were describing, but you can still have ahold of alcoholic beverages there.”

“Oh, cut it with the fancy words, smartass,” Frank laughed, “I know that I’m a bookworm and you’re a school teacher, but that doesn’t mean we don’t need to take a break from that shit.”

“Alright,” Gerard chuckled in response, “so, what’s your answer?”

Frank considered for a moment. If there’s alcohol, then he’s not afraid of all the people that may come with all that alcohol. Getting drunk was one of his favorite hobbies, that is if he had any others. He’d definitely say yes to a place with free drinks, so why make an exception now?

“My answer’s yes, sir.”

“Why thank you, sir.” The red-haired laughed wholeheartedly and picked a metal spoon from the table, “You know, my grandfather used to make these..”

Frank was caught in the discussion of teenage girls wearing makeup to school when he found himself making his way to Gerard’s apartment. They had been so engrossed in the conversation since Gerard told Frank about his grandfather’s impeccable skill of forging metal spoons that neither of them noticed how they got to their apartment building.

Gerard swiftly turned the key, telling some funny story about a seventh grader that jumped out of the second floor, and pushed the door inside his flat open. Frank took a cautious step inside and looked around. It didn’t really surprise him when he saw a huge amount of drawings and paintings spread around the walls, some artsy pieces of furniture and very unique interior.

What did surprise him, though, was a massive white cat that lazily stomped onto his feet in some sort of a greeting – or it was trying to intimidate Frank, he wasn’t quite sure.

“It’s B – short for Bandit,” Gerard said, picking the cat up.

“I wouldn’t have guessed that you had a cat.” Frank laughed a little, stepping inside more.


	7. melt your headaches, call it home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what strategic value is coming from this?

“Yeah, Bandit helps me sometimes,” Gerard said, closing the door and putting the pet down, petting her behind her ear, “when it gets too much to bear, you know..”

Gerard glanced at Frank swiftly while he was investigating the area around him. The red-haired man thought for a moment: he wondered if Frank was not only a troubled soul, but also a great listener that can actually _help someone_? Even if he doesn’t realize it.

“I know how it is..” Frank said absentmindedly, watching lava lamps giving out a dim, orange light that created a cozy yet unfamiliar atmosphere which made Frank very aware of his surroundings.

Frank was fascinated with how neatly Gerard’s apartment was decorated. It almost looked like the red-haired man had nothing to do but clean up his home.

“Do you want something?” Tea, coffee, a cigarette?” Gerard chuckled, cleaning his shoes on a carpet and walking towards the nearest window.

“Wouldn’t mind a cig,” Frank answered, smiling.

Frank didn’t know why he was smiling, though. He felt.. less uncomfortable with Gerard than he did with any other person he knew. When Gerard looked at Frank with a befriending gaze, holding out his hand with a cigarette and a lighter, the tattooed man felt something click inside of him. Really, Gerard’s eyes expressed so much warmness and welcoming Frank felt a little surreal that someone could look _at him_ like this.

He shook his head and took the cigarette, lighting it up.

“Your place is really nice,” he said, taking a drag, “Do you make your students come here and clean up under pressure of their nigh death if they don’t? It looks like the cleaning is very diligently done.”

Gerard almost choked on his smoke as he wasn’t expecting this much wit from Frank. He laughed and coughed to get his throat cleared.

“No, I just like cleaning up.” The red-haired answered, staring out of his window. “My students would never clean up, for starters. They’re just rebellious teenagers that sometimes scare the living shit out of me.”

Frank nodded and blew some smoke out. He looked at the red-haired man next to him, confused about what he had become. Months ago he would scream at himself at the mirror for letting himself smile at a waitress; now he was standing there with a _friend_ and just.. talking? Having a casual cigarette break? What had happened to his life in a couple of months?

Why wasn’t Frank scared of having his heart broken again? Well, it would be a lie to say that he wasn’t actually _scared,_ but he felt at least comfortable enough to share bits and pieces of his story. It was frightening, but.. freeing, in a sense.

“I like teaching,” Gerard said randomly, pulling Frank out of his reverie. “Those kids are all so interesting yet different to each other. It’s sort of educating to watch them grow together and become the people they never thought they would become when they were so young.” He closed his eyes and puffed a smoke ring, “Some kids need help, and, gosh, I know how it is to be dragged around.. I just try to help, you know?”

Gerard felt like he was reliving his own past when telling Frank about troubled kids in his school. He felt like it was unfair how others treated some of the students that were different, unique and one-of-a-kind. He never wanted anyone to experience what he had felt during.. all his life, basically.

“That’s why children love you,” Frank said, genuinely glad. The red-haired man seemed to have found his true calling, which he had. And even if his true calling was to be that one quirky art teacher in a local school; if it made Gerard happy, then Frank was happy for him as well.

“I guess?” Gerard chuckled sheepishly, running his hand through his messy red locks as if to unnoticeably hide his shy gaze away from Frank’s perceptive eyes. It was always so sweet how he got all shy whenever Frank complimented him, be it on his personality, his looks or the decorations on his nightstand. He seemed almost like he felt like he didn’t deserve any praise.

That upset Frank a lot, even if he didn’t realize _or_ admit it.

Frank indeed was puzzled. He put his cigarette out and let a burnt-out blunt fly down the apartment building. Gerard to Frank felt more and more like a broken clock; his mind seemed to be corrupted for a reason Frank wasn’t quite sure he could point out, but the way the red-haired man treated others was what shocked Frank the most. It was inspiring, even for a person like him. Just like the broken clock is right twice a day, Gerard’s mind was broken, but he did right things for right reasons.

Frank, for the first time in years, decided that he wanted to know more answers.

“Why do you know how it is to be an outsider, Gerard?” Frank asked softly, helping himself down onto a sofa colored dusty rose, inviting Gerard to sit next to him.

“Uh,” Gerard scratched his neck, thinking. He sat near Frank and stared at his palm, dumbly scared to say anything. “I don’t really think you want to know that..”

Frank watched Gerard intently. He was sorry for whatever Gerard had to experience, but also he felt egotistically annoyed that the red-haired man didn’t want to share with him. Really, it was the first time in probably three years that Frank was actually _interested_ in something not related to his own self, and Gerard would just.. reject him?

That already felt heartbreaking, and Frank hadn’t even started falling for him.

Now, that was a lie.

“I really think I want to know that,” Frank pressed matter-of-factly.

Gerard grew uncomfortable by second. But, really, was it that big of a deal? Even if Frank wasn’t quite trustworthy, they knew each other for a little over a couple of months. It was literally no problem to just leave him if something went terribly wrong, wasn’t it? Well, if Gerard didn’t _really_ like Frank, that would be no problem, but..

But, on the other hand, what strategic value could he get from this? It might crack Frank up to open up in return if he spilled some of his secrets. That would establish some sort of trust between them, wouldn’t it?

“When I was younger, people used to kick me around and say nasty things to me like it was nothing.” Gerard said, averting his gaze up into Frank’s attentive hazel eyes, “My mother has always compared me to my little brother, Mikey. My teachers always said I wasn’t good enough. My classmates called me a freak and.. I took that for granted. I couldn’t really be myself because I always ‘wasn’t it’. I hated myself,” Gerard took a deep breath, “I still fucking do, Frank. Every single day of my life. Every single thing that I do, every single piece I create. I hate it. Each and every one of them.”

Gerard shook his head and looked down on his palms again. He seemed very touched by the subject; Frank couldn't bear looking at him like this.   
  
Since the night they met on the roof, Gerard had presented himself as a cheerful and optimistic person. You could never believe that there was anything in the world that could've bugged him; it just wasn't possible. But seeing the side of Gerard that was sorrowful and hurt made Frank feel really heavy on the heart. It also felt surreal, almost like seeing a UFO or an unbelievable event actually happening.   
  
"They were never right to treat you like this, you know?" Frank whispered, stroking the other's shoulder gently, "I can bet they were cruel, cruel people, all of them. Your mother.. " he cut himself off, gulped and continued, "your mother had no mercy if she did that..."  
  
Gerard looked at Frank absently. The tattooed man sat back a bit, taking his hand off of the other's shoulder. The way Gerard apparently wasn't even there anymore scared Frank. His eyes focused somewhere outside the window and he looked absolutely inattentive.   
  
"Gerard?" Frank asked softly.   
  
"No, I think I deserved this," Gerard said, barely audible, "I think they were right after all."   
  
Gerard's face was stone cold. His lips only parted slightly to let the words out, but there was no emotion in them. He didn't even shift his gaze. The hazelnut colored eyes had not moved.

“I think you never deserved it, neither did anyone in the whole world.” Frank whispered.

He thought about what he had said for a moment: if no one deserved it, as he claimed, then why does it keep happening to so many people? Why does it keep making people hate themselves or others? Is that fair?

And most importantly, why did it happen to both Frank and Gerard, but they decided to turn that life experience in two opposite directions so that Frank hated people and Gerard hated himself?

The same thing happened to Frank in high school, when he had.. friends, he thought so. Back then, he had a group of people he considered very close.

Before they broke his heart. 

All it took for them to ruin Frank’s faith in humanity was to just.. cross him out of their lives. They started making fun of him, they were always telling him that anything he’d done for them was not enough; devaluing his secrets and trouble, gossiping and talking shit behind his back. He couldn’t really understand what caused that drastic change of mind, but it was hurtful nonetheless.

His friends and him started to become estranged, and that was that moment in his life when Frank decided that he never wanted to let anyone in. The breaking point was when the people he called best friends just shattered his feelings by telling the only guy he liked in the school that “ _frank iero is a fag and he likes you, you better run and never look at him again.”_

Frank didn’t even know why he thought it was a good idea to ever tell anybody about that guy.

After that, the guy found Frank after classes and beat him up.

Then, a year ago, Frank got into a car crash. He was the only one left alive after that horrible accident.

His lovely mother, his one and only best friend through all those years, his real soul-mate.. she died after five months in a coma.

She’d been giving hope for five months to only give in and leave Frank all alone.

Frank had not talked to a single person since then. Until he met Gerard.

“And I think you are a beautiful soul.” Frank whispered again, looking for something in those eyes of glass, “and I think anything you do is a deed deserving of so much praise. The way you treat children is incredible, Gerard,” Frank said a little louder, shaking the other’s shoulder a bit until the red-haired man’s eyes were focused on his, “and all of your art that you so carefully store away in your teacher’s table at school.. all of your music that you hum on the way to work, all of the little rhymes you sometimes let slip in your speech.. all of this is so, so beautiful, just like you.”

Gerard blinked. His eyes glistened with a drop of tears that were forming in them. He listened to Frank; listened carefully, and couldn’t believe a single word the other said.

“And you are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, Gerard. I know it’s hard to believe it, I know it’s strange to hear me telling you those things, but.. I’m not a monster, okay? And I think I have learned how to feel again.”

The red-haired man stared at Frank with tears in his eyes. He blinked again and one little treasonous tear rolled down his cheek. Gerard wiped it off and shook his head before enveloping Frank in a tightest hug the tattooed man ever received.

“Thank you.” Gerard whispered through tears.

Even though he couldn’t bring himself to believe him just yet, it was such a huge step forward for Gerard to hear those simple words of praise come from someone he.. trusted?

“There’s nothing to thank me for,” Frank whispered back, finding himself very comfortable with Gerard touching him.

He even hugged back, caressing the other’s back gently.

Comforting people felt.. nice. Hugging them felt also very nice. Or maybe it was just Gerard, Frank wasn’t really sure.

But he was sure that Gerard has crossed all lines of ‘neutral zones’ and now Frank was just too close to love him. _Too close_ it felt like there was no going back. **_Too close_** he might as well have fallen in love already.

“I think it’s time that we watched some stupid TV shows and finished this date off with something really sweet.” Frank said, taking his hands off of Gerard and moving away ever so slightly.

"I think it is." Gerard answered, smiling.


End file.
